I am become death, the destoyer of communication.
Today I am in a bad mood. Not sitting in a corner, snapping retorts, looking pouty sort of mood; but rather a terrifyingly uncensored I'm-going-to-say-exactly-what's-on-my-mind sort of mood.
This is bad, because honesty is bad. This is why manners were invented. Today I have no manners, just really fucking grumpy honesty. Today, every slight insult or possible vexation that I have encountered (real, or imagined) has been met with the jackboot of my unfettered id on 1000 decibles and Defcon 1. (Or is it 5? Damn you, professor Falcon!)
One such recipient being my best friend. She sent me a 'hilarious' (sic) Forward about the benefits of sex, ending with the caveat 'send this on to 10 people, or you'll become celibate and your genitals will rot away'.
In the spirit of open discourse, I admitted it made me laugh slightly less than Schindler's List, and was in fact far too late to save me from a life of rot and celibacy. In hindsight, considering last year's deathmatch with peritonitis, I should have cried 'was gangrene not enough, you heartless rotten cunt?'
Though to prevent myself from becoming even more celibate (and as genital-less as a Barbie doll) I decided it would be prudent to just forward the 10 copies on. So I sent them all to her. I hope she knows 100 people.
And of all the people I spoke to today, she's one of the few I actually like.
(Tartlet, does this make me the Empress of Darkness?)
Comments
Even worse are the texts like that. Yes, why don't I spend £2 informing half a dozen friends how special they are to me, with the caveat that they must forward it back to me or else our friendship is over?
That was a poorly constructed sentence but, I feel, it reflects my burning anger.
I just got the same flaming emails with the message 'sorry guys, I hate these things, but I don't want my sex-life to dry up'.
So I nicked your idea and sent it back 10 times.
Sheesh.
The worst ones are those that have a 'battle of the sexes' theme and end by saying, "send this email to 5 fabulous women you know, and to the guys who you think can take it!!!!!"
[Reply]
"Fuck off"
[Send]
I just got a mail back saying 'Well, pog, if your sex-life dries up, don't blame me!'.
So I pointed out that if they really believed that, then a) sending it in the first place was a pretty crappy thing to do and b) not to forget their extra 100. And if they didn't believe it, why jam up my and other people's email with it?
It's gone awfully quiet.
Yay bile!
And yay for turning Forwards into Backwards like Road Runner re-directing ACME missiles with a big U-shaped magnet.
If people MUST send these bloody things on, they should at least be polite enough to remove the ubiquitous threats from the end. Go Pogglies! Atta girl.
The next person who sends such a thing to you - remind them that with the change of one letter, a Forward is really just a for tard.